We went to see my favorite oncologist yesterday, and he made me feel good. He attentively examined my boobs, admired how well the left boob looks despite having undergone a partial mastectomy, and was generally pleased with my progress. He then gave me three prescriptions, which all mark important transitions:
1. A new oncologist, who will be responsible for radiotherapy. I already have an appointment for this Friday, to set the stage for what apparently will only be 30 sessions (5 a week, for 6 weeks), beginning in May. I am elated by the thought of 30 instead of 40, I have to say. It also feels like the beginning of the end of this cancer treatment journey, which at many moments appeared to be endless.
2. A huge collection of tests, ranging from a mammogram, to over a dozen tumor indicators screened through blood samples, to a full PET scan. The appointment is for next Monday. Despite hating needles, I am actually excited about the tests. I want irrefutable proof that the fucking gremlin is gone. Nevertheless, waiting for that confirmation to arrive is daunting. I woke up at 6 am today, haunted by the possibility of un-clean results...
3. A prescription for Tamoxifen, which reads "one pill, 20 mg, every 24 hrs, for the next five years". This is even more daunting. A prescription for five years feels exactly like what it means--this story is not really over until it is over. And it ain't over until you are clean for five years. Which will imply a daily reminder in the form of a pill, a quarterly reminder in the form of blood tests, a half-yearly reminder in the form of mammograms and a yearly reminder in the form of PET scans.
So, I am indeed only really getting ready for the next phase... RTx. One step at a time. But, at least, I am walking.
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