Those were Sir Winston Churchill's words.
Whenever you are in the middle of pain or dispair, it seems that life will never get back to a peaceful and enjoyable spot. But once you have made it there, to that quiet stronghold were desperation is over, it is hard to believe how disheartened and hopeless you felt before.
We all know stories, sometimes too close for comfort, about persons who got so deep into pain that they could not find the way back from that dark place. They died. Often by their own hand.
I lived a whole life thinking of suicide as a legitimate option. I was stuck in hell, instead of going through hell. I was chained to hell, because my mind created the conditions and was born into them. Those far and distant feelings have long stopped playing games with my mind. ThIs time around, my center can hold.
Today I am feeling like shit, positively. Karina lovingly took me to my chemo session, and everything seemed ok. But I am feeling bad since I arrived at home. I have a nonstop nausea creeping up my throat. My head and eyes hurt and my legs are unbearable. It's apparently, the onset of the first symptoms of peripheral neuropathy--one of the hallmark side effects of Taxol.
But his time around, I will proceed differently. While the cancer treatment is making me physically sick as a pig, it will not play games with my mind. If the my next chemo sessions are to be reloaded, the only think I can do is to keep walking. If I will be oing through hell, I have to keep going. Only by keeping going I will be able to emerge at the far side, laughing, triumphant, stronger than ever and craving a healthy, love-infused life.
I. WILL. KEEP. GOING.
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