The dilemma of being an extrovert...

...and being sick at home.

I have been wondering why I am feeling like garbage lately. I mean, the inevitable answer seems to be that I have cancer (or maybe no longer),and that every single week I have a drip that flushes poison through my body--while flushing my fridays into complete oblivion. All the nausea, dizziness, stomach pain,flu symptoms, shivers and insomnia can be related back to that and, therefore, are easily explained.

But is that really everything? Does it really account for my weakness, my sadness, my wish to stay in bed every day and drag myself only to the couch in Gabriel's office?

Ann told me that the problem is that as an extrovert, the isolation and lack of stimulation that my treatment is imposing on me is taking its toll. I do not get the external energy I normally feed on, the challenges that stimulate my mind and my spirit, the constant interaction that pushes me yet another step ahead.

When I was a tiny girl with pigtails and scratches on my knees, I would cover my eyes with my hands believing that if I couldn't see others, they would not be able to see me.

It seems that I haven't kissed goodbye the little girl. Right now, I am worrying that because I am grounded by cancer, and I am not seeing and interacting with the world, I will turn invisible to all the people I am normally connected to.

Maybe this is an opportunity, as Warren said, to learn that my friends love me for who I am, and not for what I do. It might also be an opportunity to learn about introverts, and how energy can be derived from within. Maybe, it is just an experience I needed to have at some point.