Your life is about to change forever...

This is how I felt when the doctor told me that I had cancer. Like Kermit the Frog, hearing that he is nothing but a puppet governed by someone else’s hand.

No control over my life.

The sensation of lack of control accentuates as you try to understand what is going on, what needs to happen, what are your options, how to choose… Every single step is a reaffirmation of your very own lack of control over what is happening to you.

Together with lack of control comes the endless feeling of profound disempowerment and uncertainty.

“Can I really do whatever I want? Or do I owe it to my beloved partner, my family, my dearest friends, all of those who believe that I am Wonder Woman and beyond, to put up a tough and protracted battle against this disease? Do I want to subject myself to being cut open, maimed, poisoned, and radiated with the hopeful perspective of being, ultimately, reassembled and reinserted into the beautiful life?”

The answer to these questions is yes.

And so as to make sense out of the answer, and the questions, and in order to gain myself back in the process, reach deeper into myself, and deeper into you, I am starting this blog. I am sorry to say that it will not always be fun—it might even come to be impossibly dark. But it will be my honest attempt to transmit to all of you, near and far, who love me and wonder how I am, what it is that I am going through.

These are the cancer diaries of Toxic HH, a.k.a. Flying Piglet, a.k.a. Cosmic Mouse.