It BBBUUURRRRRRRRRRRNNSS

Now, imagine the famous scene from The Exorcist, where Father Whatever sprinkles holy water on a diabolic Linda Blair, and she says, in a deep, freaky voice: "it burrrrrrrnnnnnnnnsssss". That is how I feel. My boob burns all over. It hurts and today I started to feel little yet persistent needles. No time to complain. I have to go, right now, for another session of burning radiation.

Blisters and redness... OUCH!

Two weeks of radiation are starting to show their impact. My boob hurts by only looking at it, it itches, it is red and it is developing little blisters. No under-wire bras, no tight clothing, no synthetic fabrics... No deodorant, no moisturizer, no nothing. No scrubbing in the shower, no lying on my left side. NO TOUCHING, please! OUCH!

CLEAN!!!! And radiated...

It is OFFICIAL!! 100% The blood tests are clean as well. No traces of the meano... No more Gremlins living in my boob. YAY!!!! Today I went for the first radiotherapy session. They made scans and images, to get a perfectly defined three dimensional area where the radio will hit. Then, they tattooed four little dots on the heroic boob, to make sure they get the same area each time. The procedure itself only lasts 10 minutes. And that is what I will be doing for the next six weeks, every day, at 4.30. Today it was uneventful, but supposedly you get tired as you start accumulating radiation, and the skin burns... We shall wait and see. Meanwhile, it already feels distinctly like an exit road. We are so happy! I can't believe it, but we are joking all day long, smiling, laughing, and it feels like a whole new beginning. Gabo is in excellent mood, and we are enjoying ourselves fantastically!

And the results are CLEAN!!!!

Yes, yes, yes!!! The PET scan came back clean. No malignant neoplasia this far. A tiny mass in the right boob, but apparently nothing to worry about. Now I am waiting for the blood test results, to make sure there is no tumor-like activity... But I already feel that the dice was thrown, and that I won. Let me say it again, slowly: the dice was thrown, and in this round, I won. This babe seems to be cancer free!!!

Tests, tests, tests...

Yesterday I had my first round of tests--a full body PET and a bilateral mammogram. The former was annoying, because I had to drink radioactive water and then get more radioactive stuff in my veins. I am tired of all the needles. however, the mammogram was much worse than what I expected. It hurt like hell, on both sides. On the right side, because of the port, which got pulled and pressed into my chest. On the left side, because of the scar tissue inside of my boob. Tomorrow I will go to get the blood tests done. They will have to draw a lot of blood, I am afraid. Again, I am tired of all the needles. But at least I am feeling almost normal!! This week I have been able to get up, work, walk the doggies, play the piano. I am not dizzy, not nauseous. No puking, either. YAY!!! Everything is ok.

Getting ready for the next phase...

We went to see my favorite oncologist yesterday, and he made me feel good. He attentively examined my boobs, admired how well the left boob looks despite having undergone a partial mastectomy, and was generally pleased with my progress. He then gave me three prescriptions, which all mark important transitions:

1. A new oncologist, who will be responsible for radiotherapy. I already have an appointment for this Friday, to set the stage for what apparently will only be 30 sessions (5 a week, for 6 weeks), beginning in May. I am elated by the thought of 30 instead of 40, I have to say. It also feels like the beginning of the end of this cancer treatment journey, which at many moments appeared to be endless.

2. A huge collection of tests, ranging from a mammogram, to over a dozen tumor indicators screened through blood samples, to a full PET scan. The appointment is for next Monday. Despite hating needles, I am actually excited about the tests. I want irrefutable proof that the fucking gremlin is gone. Nevertheless, waiting for that confirmation to arrive is daunting. I woke up at 6 am today, haunted by the possibility of un-clean results...

3. A prescription for Tamoxifen, which reads "one pill, 20 mg, every 24 hrs, for the next five years". This is even more daunting. A prescription for five years feels exactly like what it means--this story is not really over until it is over. And it ain't over until you are clean for five years. Which will imply a daily reminder in the form of a pill, a quarterly reminder in the form of blood tests, a half-yearly reminder in the form of mammograms and a yearly reminder in the form of PET scans.

So, I am indeed only really getting ready for the next phase... RTx. One step at a time. But, at least, I am walking.

Might this be the last round...

Of discomfort, nausea, and other less pleasant symptoms? This last AC scheme hit me hard, and I have been dizzy, weak and feeling awful pretty much most of the time.

I made a case of not complaining too loud, because it is the last one. But it has not been pretty.

Tomorrow is our appointment with the onc surgeon. He will examine the state of the heroic boob, and I am sure that he will be pleased to see that the scar finally looks completely sealed. Maybe he will give me some tips to make it fade quicker? He might even explain why, when I touch the left end of the scar, it tingles beneath my arm, almost on the back... I feel like this frog I read about in primary school, whose belly skin had been replaced with back skin and, as a result, he would scratch his back when touched on the belly. :)

Supposedly the doctor will also prescribe my full PET, which will finally let us know if the gremlins are gone. I think that they are gone, for good. At night, when I wake up because of the hot flashes, I sometimes wonder if there might be a trace left of the cancer. But I always feel that the answer to that question is a definite and non-negotiable NO. Now I want to hear it from the doctor. I want the ultimate scientific proof.

Don't hold your breath. It will take a couple of weeks til we get there...